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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28311177">foolish, foolish</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/divinerenjun/pseuds/divinerenjun'>divinerenjun</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - High School, Coming of Age, Denial of Feelings, Idiots in Love, Love Triangles, M/M, Pining, Prom, Promposal Gone Wrong, Romantic Comedy, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, ex fwbs to lovers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:40:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,171</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28311177</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/divinerenjun/pseuds/divinerenjun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucas tastes like cheap beer and every wet dream Renjun’s ever had, and Renjun <em>almost</em> gives in, almost kisses him back with all the fire in his soul, all the ferocity of the last year’s unrequited crush. </p><p>Instead, he pushes him away, back across the space between their bucket seats, back into the chill of the open passenger-side window and away from Renjun’s tell-tale beating heart. </p><p><em>Mark,</em> the part of Renjun’s brain that isn’t lovesick reminds him. <em>He likes Mark.</em></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huang Ren Jun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>193</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>NCTV Secret Santa 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>foolish, foolish</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnshuaa/gifts">johnshuaa</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>whew. this has been a fun one. thank u to cynthia for this wonderful prompt!! luren nation is a wonderful place to live. </p><p>some notes:<br/>- all the 00s and 99s are seniors!! and so is sicheng lol.<br/>- thats it actually i just wanted to make sure there wasnt any confusion<br/>- anyway enjoy!</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1b1chHAMrM93Ko2Gpb3qr9?si=RrpfXq2OQ8uwy29iBfigSA">a playlist!</a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Renjun is enjoying an uneventful, everyday, turkey-and-cheese sandwich lunch with his friends in the courtyard when it happens.</p><p>“Holy shit,” Donghyuck splutters, staring in open-mouthed awe at something behind Renjun’s back. Beside him, Chenle cackles.</p><p>Renjun spins around and is greeted with an unexpected view. Lucas—track star, golden boy, <em>unattainable</em> Lucas—stands there with a fistful of helium-filled balloons on long, colorful strings and a glitter-sprinkled poster in his other hand. <em>Prom season,</em> a sensible voice in the back of Renjun’s mind mutters, and Renjun would laugh at the shell-shocked expression on Lucas’s face and wonder who the lucky proposee were if Lucas weren’t staring right at him.</p><p>It sinks in just a few seconds before Lucas starts walking over, clearing his throat. <em>He’s doing this for me. Holy shit, he’s promposing to me. Holy shit?</em> And then Lucas is right in front of him, expression smoothed over from his panic to something more kind and confident as he winks at Chenle and raises the poster.</p><p>“Renjun,” he says, voice dripping with excitement. His lips are wobbling, the only sign of his nerves, and Renjun looks into his bright eyes and feels like melting into the spring-warm concrete of the courtyard. “Wanna take a shot on me?”</p><p>Renjun can literally feel the heat radiating off his cheeks. For the first time, he reads the actual words on the poster and doesn’t even try to hide his confusion.</p><p><em>‘We’d have a ballin’ time at prom together’,</em> read the puff paint letters. The words ‘ballin’’ and ‘prom’ are made of little cut-out images of basketballs, and the glue Lucas used to stick them to the poster board has warped them a little bit, turning their bright orange ink a strange shade of green where it’s soaked through the paper.</p><p>Renjun looks back up at Lucas. He hears his friends whispering behind his back, feels a strong hand—Donghyuck, probably—nudge his shoulder, and realizes that there are at least fifty other students watching this terribly tacky, terribly confusing, terribly <em>terrible </em>promposal. There’s a spark of worry in Lucas’s eyes, and Renjun gets the message clear as day: <em>please don’t turn me down, man. </em></p><p>Suddenly, everything clicks into place. The basketballs. The blue balloons. The watermelon Sicheng is trying and failing to hide behind his back where he stands in the distance, watching with the rest of Lucas’s cronies. Lucas’s silent plea for him to say yes.</p><p>This wasn’t meant for him.</p><p>Mark Lee isn’t at school today—he’s out on the Youth in Government conference trip.</p><p>It definitely makes sense that Lucas would be promposing to <em>him</em>—they’re on the basketball team together, for one, hence the poster’s theme, and they’re both simply the epitome of Golden Boy. Renjun won’t deny that they would look good together, and he has no doubts that Mark Lee would be a better date to prom for Lucas Wong than he ever would be.</p><p>It doesn’t make <em>any</em> sort of sense that Lucas would be promposing to Renjun. They’ve barely spoken in the past three semesters, a silent pact to avoid each other’s company unless absolutely, positively required having been signed, sealed, and delivered at the beginning of their junior year for reasons Renjun <em>really</em> doesn’t want to think about right now.</p><p>It’s just that for a <em>split</em> second there, Renjun felt something like hope bubble up in his chest. Incredulation, yes, but also hope, and excitement, and giddy, giddy pleasure that Lucas would actually do something like this for him.</p><p>Renjun schools his expression into something that he hopes looks a lot less upset than he feels, stands up, and gives Lucas a harsh smile. “I would just <em>love</em> to go to prom with you, Lucas. It would be an absolute <em>honor</em>.”</p><p>Either the condescension he’s trying to inject into his voice didn’t come across strong enough or Lucas is just really, really good at acting, because he simply <em>beams</em> at Renjun’s mocking confession.</p><p>“Really? Great!!” He rushes to amend: “I mean, I didn’t <em>not</em> think that you would say yes, you know, cause we’re so close,” a rushed laugh for the sake of their audience, “but it’s just good to, you know, have confirmation. Thanks.” He drops the poster, which Jaemin promptly snatches up, and holds out his arms, clearly expecting a hug. That nervous sheen in his eyes hasn’t faded in the slightest, and Renjun glares at him with all the fire in his little five-foot-seven body as he steps into Lucas’s embrace.</p><p>“Thank you,” Lucas whispers in his ear, squeezing him tight.</p><p>Renjun resists the urge to bang his fists against Lucas’s back. “You’re fucking welcome,” he snarls into the warmth of Lucas’s shoulder, before dropping his arms as quickly as would seem decent to any onlooker. He continues to glare as Lucas walks away, accepting an eager high-five from Hendery and fist-pumping the air as he walks back out of the courtyard.</p><p>“Renjun,” Chenle chirps. “What the fuck?”</p><p>Renjun just sighs, picks up the remaining half of his sandwich, and silently agrees. <em>What the fuck.</em></p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The next two days are absolute hell. Renjun avoids Lucas at all costs: ducking into active classrooms when they pass in the hall and having to make dumb excuses like ‘oh, haha, this isn’t the bathroom,’ or ‘yes, Mrs. Nettles, I just wanted to tell you I like your dress,’ and making a complete fool of himself; turning down the invite from Yangyang to sit with their group of friends at lunch; pretending to fiddle with earbuds in his ears when Lucas gets close enough to actively engage in conversation.</p><p>This last one backfires quite terribly one day.</p><p>“Renjun, your earbuds are literally on your desk.” Lucas picks them up for emphasis, shaking them in Renjun’s face.</p><p>Renjun lets out an exasperated sigh and continues flipping through his biology notebook. They’re in a unit on hormones. His notebook flips open to a page where he drew a little cartoon heart saying ‘i’m a fucking dumbass’ a week ago. He kind of wants to stab it with his pencil.</p><p>Lucas sighs. “Dude, I’m sorry. Would it help if I said that–”</p><p>“No.</p><p>“Would it help if I–”</p><p>“No. I think the best course of action for you right now is to just sit there and not say anything and not do anything for the next ever.”</p><p>“Look, I’m sorry. I know–”</p><p>“No, you don’t.”</p><p>When Lucas finally catches on to the fact that Renjun will <em>not </em>be gracing him with the pleasure of any more detailed conversation, he continues in a hushed voice. “Look, man, I’m sorry I dragged you into this. I think you know who I meant to do that for—”</p><p>“Gee, thanks for the reminder,” Renjun mutters, still focused on his notes.</p><p>Lucas winces in his periphery. “Sorry. It’s just, like, I had it all planned out and stuff and I didn’t want to look like a fool. You can totally turn me down now, though. I’ll understand.”</p><p>Renjun flips a page as his traitorous heart starts racing. He wills it to calm down: <em>what are you excited for, anyway?</em> For the next few seconds, there is silence. Renjun’s mind is arguing furiously with itself.</p><p>
  <em>He’s offering you a way out. Take it while you still can.</em>
</p><p><em>Okay but this is </em>Lucas.<em> Like, </em>the<em> Lucas. </em></p><p>
  <em>And? He doesn’t even like you. He likes stupid Mark.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hey, Mark’s not stupid. Take that back.</em>
</p><p>And so on. Renjun isn’t even aware himself when he comes to a decision, and is just as shocked as Lucas seems to be by his response. “I could have turned you down in the courtyard, Lucas, audience be damned. But I didn’t, out of the pure kindness of my heart. And now,” he finally graces Lucas with eye contact, slamming his notebook shut. Lucas winces at the harsh noise, and Renjun smiles something wicked. “Now, you have to be my date to prom.”</p><p>It’s a terrible plan. It’s a terrible plan and it’s going to crash and burn right in front of Renjun’s nose, but for now he is happy with revenge. Public humiliation is <em>not</em> high on the list of his kinks, and the promposal was an absolutely mortifying experience. Seriously, people are going to think he likes <em>basketball</em> now.</p><p>Lucas is looking skeptical, and Renjun leans back in his chair with a sigh. “Do I really have to explain it to you?”</p><p>Lucas squints, color rising to his cheeks, and Renjun feels a little bit bad. Not enough to change his course of action, certainly, but a little bit.</p><p>“Look,” he starts. “You aren’t exactly the last person on my list of good potential prom dates.” Lucas preens at this admission, and Renjun hurries to continue before he can start bragging on himself. “You would make a good trophy date, is all I’m saying.”</p><p>Lucas rolls his eyes. “Men only ever want me for my body—”</p><p>“Shut up.” Renjun cuts him off. “The point is, I am <em>furious</em> that you did what you did. It’s not right to ever make someone feel like sloppy seconds, even if I am the only one who guessed who the stupid poster was really for.” Lucas has the decency to look properly chided. “So, to teach you your lesson,” Renjun feels heat dust his cheeks, and rushes to continue before he can psyche himself out, “you have to carry through with it, and make my prom night the best night ever.”</p><p>After a moment of consideration, Lucas says, “So, I’m being punished.”</p><p>“Yes,” Renjun confirms. “Rightfully so, and you know it.”</p><p>Lucas grits his teeth. “Dude, I said I was sorry—”</p><p>And that’s when Renjun puts his earbuds in. For real this time.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“What’s up, dude?” Mark asks, triumphant on his return to school after another successful year of YIG. He’s munching on a corndog, and Renjun raises his eyebrows as a soggy bread crumb flies from his lips and lands on the grimy cafeteria table halfway between them. “You look perturbed.”</p><p>Next to Renjun, Donghyuck sighs. “Mark learns a new big word and finds a way to work it into every conversation for the next week—”</p><p>“Shut up, Donghyuck,” Jaemin warns, flicking a crumpled napkin in his direction.</p><p>“Shut up, dude!” Mark says at the same time. He and Jaemin turn to each other briefly, make quick eye contact, then look back down at the table in time with one another. Renjun notices the blush on Jaemin’s cheeks but chooses, like a truly wonderful friend, to ignore it.</p><p>“I am '<em>perturbed</em>,' actually, Mark, thanks for asking,” Renjun says. Mark rolls his eyes. Donghyuck sticks out his tongue.</p><p>“You have been off for a few days,” Jaemin comments. Renjun nudges the noodles of his cold leftover mac and cheese around in his tupperware absentmindedly, collecting his thoughts before responding.</p><p>Chenle beats him to it. “He’s just upset over the whole Lucas situation,” he pipes up, <em>rudely</em>, as he plops down into the seat next to Mark and steals one of his cookies. Renjun glares at him as he chews. “These are really good, dude, did you make them?” Chenle asks, voice wondrous.</p><p>“No way, man,” Mark laughs. “Gift from Lucas for helping with his chemistry homework. I don’t think he made them, though, he’s not that great of a cook…” Mark trails off, finally catching on to Donghyuck’s raised eyebrows and not-so-subtle head jerks in Renjun’s direction. Renjun stabs a noodle harder than is necessary, pointedly ignoring Donghyuck's gestures.</p><p>“Sorry, man,” Mark apologizes. “What’s up between you two, anyway? I heard he asked you to prom?”</p><p>Renjun shudders all down his spine. Across from him, Jaemin scrunches his nose.</p><p>“Yeah,” Renjun says.</p><p>"It was weird, Mark," Jaemin says. "You should have been there."</p><p>"Sorry, I was too busy kicking ass in General Assembly," Mark shoots back, smiling. "But seriously, dude," Mark sobers up in an instant, giving Renjun a serious look. "How weird, exactly? If it made you, like, uncomfortable I can, like, talk to him. He's chill, seriously."</p><p>Renjun gives his pasta a thin smile. "It was fine," he bites out. "He made a poster and had balloons and stuff. Sweet gesture, really, but—" he catches himself just in time, darting a wide-eyed glance up in Mark's direction. What Lucas did may have been a total asshole move, but it's still not Renjun's right to blow his cover. His true intended promposal recipient is <em>his</em> business, no one else's. No matter how much the implied feelings for said intended recipient cut Renjun to the bone.</p><p>He ignores the icy claws that grip his heart at that thought, brushing away the sinking feeling in his stomach at the truth that Lucas <em>likes Mark.</em> He <em>has</em> to. You don't just prompose to someone with such a grand gesture if you aren't really trying to impress them, right?</p><p>His sudden silence doesn't go unnoticed. Donghyuck nudges him with an elbow. "But what?" he asks.</p><p>Renjun blushes, giving Mark another swift glance. "Nothing, really. Just. Weird after everything that happened sophomore year."</p><p>Mark gives a low wolf-whistle. "Yo, I kinda forgot about that."</p><p>He looks like he wants to continue, but Renjun cuts him off. "Yeah. Anyway. It was, like, nice and stuff. And I know he's a cool guy, you know? It just feels..." he pauses, searching for the right word. Chenle plucks a cheesy noodle from Renjun's tupperware with his fingers, expression twisting when he realizes it's cold.</p><p>"Weird?" Jaemin supplies.</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"The poster was nice, I'll give him that," Jaemin continues. "Didn't realize you were into basketball, though. And why was he talking about you two being close? Haven't you not talked in, like, two years?"</p><p>Mark butts in. "Wait, dude, you like basketball? Why don't you ever come to our games?"</p><p><em>Because I'll see Lucas</em>, Renjun wants to shout, wants to scream it from the rooftops. <em>I want to pretend he doesn't exist most days, Mark. Watching him play basketball for three hours is at about the bottom of my list of ideal activities.</em> "I don't like basketball," he says instead, and goes back to staring forlornly at his food.</p><p>"He's a big-shot, Jaem," Donghyuck explains. "He had an audience. Never one to displease a crowd, our Lucas Wong." His voice is bitter under the surface. Renjun shoots him a grateful look.</p><p>Chenle hums. "I get that. And I get why you're weirded out by all of it, Renjun," he says. "Can't you just turn him down now, though?"</p><p>Renjun laughs. "You know, he said the exact same thing." Jaemin raises an eyebrow. Renjun rushes to continue. "It's just, I kinda wanted to see where it goes, I guess? Not that I really expect anything, it's just..." He thinks for a second, scrunching up his nose as he tries to figure out how not to give away Lucas's secret crush on Mark. "If he, y'know, wanted to go with me so badly, I'd feel bad turning him down, you know?" He can feel the heat tinting his cheeks red, and avoids eye contact. "Even after everything, I know he's still <em>Lucas,</em> right?"</p><p>It comes out more pitiful than he intended, like he's seeking affirmation. <em>Yes,</em> he wants to hear, <em>he's still our Lucas. He's still </em>your <em>Lucas.</em></p><p>What he gets instead is a hesitant nod from Jaemin, a confused look from Mark, and a huff from Donghyuck. Chenle chimes in: "Plus, you know, he's super hot."</p><p>Mark gives him a gentle shove. "Dude," he laughs.</p><p>Right on cue, Lucas walks through the cafeteria doors. Sicheng is with him, tied together at the hips as always.</p><p>"Speak of the devil," Donghyuck comments. Renjun watches Lucas walk in with what he hopes is a disinterested expression. Mark gives him a wave. Renjun doesn't think he imagines the way Lucas's eyes are glued to him when he waves back.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Two weeks after the courtyard promposal, Lee Jeno throws a party.</p><p>Nothing special, just the usual rich-boy mansion rager, complete with red solo cups and a subwoofer rattling the eaves with every bass beat that pumps through the soundsystem.</p><p>Renjun spends the entire night rather bored. He's not allowed to get wasted, since he drew the short stick between him, Donghyuck, and Jaemin on being the designated driver (even though Donghyuck is the one who drove the three of them there. Sometimes Renjun swears his best friends were sent from hell to torture him. He could really use a drink.). He dances for a little bit, laughing when Jaemin twerks on him and spills half his cup on Jeno's poor rug, then leans against a wall and watches as people get trashed and put their hands all over each other.</p><p>He's seen Lucas once all evening, right when he walked through the door. Jeno is on the swim team with him, so Lucas was apparently there to help 'set up,' though evidently all that meant was pulling all the liquor down from Jeno's parents' bar cabinets and setting them out on the bar itself. The bottles glitter in the flashing lights of Jeno's speakers, tossing sparks across Renjun's vision and making him feel almost as disoriented as he would if he were drunk.</p><p>Donghyuck abandoned him almost immediately—Renjun thinks he went upstairs with some college kids, Johnny and Jaehyun, and the occasional whiff of musty air that drifts down the stairwell confirms Renjun's suspicion that Johnny is the weed dealer he's seen Donghyuck texting recently. Jaemin is still in the middle of the spacious living room, grinding on some poor junior named Sungchan. The kid definitely looks like he's enjoying it, so Renjun lets them have their fun.</p><p>He sips at his water absently, mind wandering.</p><p>Mark is around. He showed up doublefisting six-packs, and was welcomed warmly by the crowd once they saw his cargo. His dazzling smile was probably a factor too, though.</p><p>Yeah, Renjun thinks, definitely a factor. The Mark in question shoots him a grin from the other side of the room as their eyes meet, and Renjun returns a half-hearted thumbs-up.</p><p>Poor Mark. He's not deserving of the animosity that swirls through Renjun's mind like wind promising a tornado every time he thinks of him. Renjun knows this. He knows it <em>too</em> well, and tries to ignore all the implications that animosity carries.</p><p>Lucas. That's the person he should be mad at.</p><p>He's not even mad, though, that's the thing.</p><p>Well, sure. He's mad that he's not going to prom with the love of his life in his senior year, but that's a distant kind of mad—the kind of mad borne of over-hyped excitement that's simmered under the surface for the last eighteen years. A childish kind of mad. Renjun was not meant to fall in love during high school, he's long accepted this.</p><p>That doesn't stop his foolish, foolish heart from making him a hopeless romantic, though. Renjun pouts as he watches a couple that's been together since the end of freshman year make out on the couch. <em>Want,</em> his mind eloquently supplies, though at this point Renjun isn't really sure if it's referencing the love or just the kissing.</p><p>Kissing... He hasn't kissed anyone in <em>months.</em> And that's another thing he should be mad at Lucas for. If people know they're going to prom together, they <em>really</em> aren't going to make a move. That leaves Renjun with very few options for the next two weeks—two weeks that could be spent starting to explore himself and other people in the limited time before everyone goes their separate ways for life beyond high school. He could make out with some <em>really</em> good people in the next two weeks, but instead he's stuck replaying his last half-assed make out session from three months ago in the back of Donghyuck's Jeep and daydreaming about who he'll meet in the next four years to kiss.</p><p>So, really, he should be sending big ‘fuck you’ vibes in Lucas’s direction, but he’s not, and somehow that’s the reason he’s mad at Mark.</p><p>Aside from anger, there's not really much embarrassment lingering from the promposal. Everyone's gotten over it—the whispers behind his back have quieted, Chenle's abandoned giving Renjun his knowing stares, and Donghyuck has stopped subtly throwing up the middle finger every time Lucas passes them in the hallway.</p><p>It's just... weird. Jaemin put it perfectly that day in the cafeteria. Weird that Lucas is pretending like everything's normal between them. Weird that they never talk. Weird that there's still the urge to make Lucas happy even after all these years.</p><p>Renjun drinks the rest of his water in one go, suddenly feeling overheated. He tosses the cup vaguely in the direction of a trash can, sending a silent apology to Jeno for how shitty party cleanup is going to be tomorrow, and weaves through the sweaty, undulating crowd until he can duck out the door for a breath of fresh air.</p><p>The April night is blissfully chilled against his red cheeks, and Renjun drinks in the cleaner atmosphere with half a smile on his face. There are a few kids milling about on Jeno’s lawn, a couple of football guys wrestling each other in the distance, and a group of girls playing spin the bottle among the flowerbeds, but for the most part this spring cold snap has kept the party inside.</p><p>That’s definitely the reason why Renjun jumps a foot in the air as a low voice speaks up right behind him—<em>not</em> because that voice belongs to one Lucas Wong.</p><p>“Nice night, huh?”</p><p>“Your breath reeks,” Renjun replies as he composes himself. He turns quickly to face Lucas, stepping away from him to get some distance. Lucas’s body was <em>very</em> warm pressed against his, and his breath tickled the back of Renjun’s neck in a pleasant way—</p><p><em>Shut up, shut up, shut up,</em> Renjun tells both his racing mind and his frantically beating heart.</p><p>Lucas pouts. “Really? D’you have toothpaste and stuff like that? To brush with?” he sounds absolutely wrecked, speech slurring, sloppy grin plastered lazily across his face. Renjun kind of wants to poke a finger into the dimple in his right cheek.</p><p>“No, I don’t. Sorry.” Renjun masks the swirl of emotions drunk Lucas is inspiring under a guise of nonchalance. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and mourns the lack of a cup to fiddle with.</p><p>Lucas has no such problem, and downs the rest of his drink with an audible gulp. Renjun follows the bobbing of his adam’s apple with eyes that are <em>not</em> hungry, thank you very much.</p><p>“Well. That’s okay.” He spaces out for a second, and Renjun just stares, watching him process whatever thoughts are flitting through his intoxicated head. He’s lit up from behind by the lights of Jeno’s house, golden halo making him look fuzzy around the edges. Angelic. Renjun wants to pick him up by the throat and shake him around like a ragdoll to knock some sense back into the both of them.</p><p>“Hey,” Lucas says finally, drawn out of his pondering. “Prom?”</p><p>It sounds like a very serious question, and Renjun doesn’t really know how to respond, so he plays it safe and says “yes.”</p><p>“Cool. Cool.” Lucas grins. “Well, I should probably be heading home, don’t you think? Are you going home? Do you need a ride? Do I need to give you a ride, Mr. Prom?”</p><p>Renjun feels his eyebrows shoot up into his hairline, pursing his lips as he sighs. “Keys,” he demands, holding out his hand palm up and suppressing a smile when Lucas just stares at him blankly.</p><p>Lucas catches up eventually and rewards him with a lazy grin, crushing the red solo cup in his hand. “They’re in my pocket.”</p><p>Renjun rolls his eyes, glances down and sees a bulge in the pocket of Lucas’s ripped jeans, then looks back up to see Lucas staring forlornly at the crushed plastic in his hand. He glances around, presumably searching for a trash can, and, when he’s unsuccessful at finding a bin out here on Jeno’s too-green front lawn, gives Renjun the most pitiful look he’s ever seen.</p><p>Renjun takes one step closer, breath hitching, and holds Lucas’s gaze: stares right into his poor little puppy eyes as he slips his fingers into Lucas’s pocket. He hopes he conveys the depths of his boredom with this party as he nudges aside what feels like a loose coin and grabs Lucas’s keyring, pulling it out and spinning it around his pointer finger.</p><p>With his other hand, he reaches for Lucas’s ruined cup, taking pity on him. “You have a trash can in your car, right?”</p><p>Lucas’s eyebrows shoot up. “<em>My</em> car? Is my car here?”</p><p><em>Oh, you poor thing.</em> Clearly he’s not going to get any substantial information from his intoxicated companion, so Renjun just nods and jerks his head towards the street. “Yep. Yeah, it is. C’mon.”</p><p>Lucas tags behind him like an overeager puppy, nearly tripping over the final step of Jeno’s walkway. He steadies himself on Renjun’s shoulder and Renjun tries to pretend his heartbeat doesn’t pick up at the physical contact. He makes little comments the whole way: ‘<em>Renjun, did you know this street is called “Deadman’s Ln.?” That’s pretty dark, right? Haha,</em>’ and ‘<em>Hey man, I like your jacket,’</em> as they pass by a wasted couple making out on the hood of someone’s car.</p><p>Renjun laughs at the last one, and tugs Lucas along when it seems he’s going to stay and wait for a response.</p><p>Once they’re settled in the car, Renjun helps Lucas buckle his seatbelt.</p><p>“You’re useless, you know?” he says as he clicks the buckle into the slot. “Absolutely useless. If you were sober, I could have maybe actually had a good time at that party. But no, you had to go and get wasted, and now I’m your designated driver, like it wasn’t bad enough I already had to avoid drinking tonight. Your fault, honestly.”</p><p>He sits back, and before he can reach for his own seatbelt, Lucas says “Renjun,” in this sweet little voice, and Renjun just <em>has </em>to look at him, hand stilling in his lap.</p><p>“Renjun,” Lucas repeats when they’re making eye contact. “<em>I</em> had a good time at the party.”</p><p>Renjun rolls his eyes. “Yes, Lucas, I know—”</p><p>“No, man,” Renjun watches as Lucas’s cheeks flush pink. “You. It’s ‘cause of you. Like, I had a good time ‘cause of you. So thanks. For that.”</p><p>The lights of Lucas’s SUV cut out, pitching them into instant darkness. Renjun watches Lucas blink rapidly to readjust his eyes, and feels his heart jump into his throat.</p><p>Lucas looks so… <em>pretty</em>. Drunk out of his goddamn mind, sure, but pretty nonetheless. His jacket is falling off one shoulder, and the streetlights are casting just enough golden light into the car that the strong line of his jaw throws a sharp shadow across his throat, and there’s this little nervous smile on his lips. Renjun, even in his sober state, has a very hard time convincing himself not to lean across the divider and kiss him silly.</p><p>“You’re welcome,” he chirps instead, ignoring that they’ve only seen each other tonight for, like, ten minutes, and turns to fit the key into the ignition, gulping as he tears his eyes away and buckles his seatbelt.</p><p>Lucas flicks on the radio, rolls down the window, and hums along as he waves his arm to the beat, sticking it out into the crisp spring air as it whistles past his car. Renjun grins despite himself the whole way to Lucas’s house, laughing when Lucas tries singing along to a song he clearly knows none of the words to.</p><p>As they turn the corner onto Lucas’s street, Lucas leans forward, watching, and Renjun turns in time to see his eyes widen as he takes in his own house.</p><p>“Yo,” Lucas says, voice laced with panic, “I can’t go home, my parents’ll freak.”</p><p>Renjun scoffs. “You could have mentioned something about that <em>before </em>we left Jeno’s, dumbass. Do you wanna call Sicheng and ask to stay over, or something?”</p><p>“Can’t I just stay at your place?”</p><p>Renjun blanches for a moment, panicking, but then Lucas simply turns his puppy eyes in Renjun’s direction, and that’s all it takes for him to crumble. He drives right past Lucas’s driveway and turns down a connecting street. Lucas relaxes next to him.</p><p>“Did you?” Lucas asks, and Renjun squints against the LED headlights of an oncoming car as he scrambles to figure out what Lucas is referencing.</p><p>“Did I what?”</p><p>“Did you have fun? At the party, I mean.” And Renjun takes his eyes off the road for a split second, looking at the boy in the passenger seat.</p><p>In that split second, he catches a glimpse of Lucas’s honest, earnest, sparkling eyes, and the view out the windshield lurches sideways for a moment before righting itself. He feels an intangible weight settle into his stomach and sees the ghost of that open gaze behind his eyelids when he blinks.</p><p>“I did. And I still am,” he finally replies, more honest than he’s been the entire night, and Lucas breathes what sounds like a sigh of relief.</p><p>“Okay, good. Just making sure.” His voice is soft, and Renjun gulps, then ignores him for the rest of the drive.</p><p>He pulls into his own driveway, switches off the headlights, and turns the key to stop the engine. After surveying the facade of his house for a minute that feels like eternity, he turns to his companion.</p><p>The way Lucas’s looking at him makes Renjun feel like he has something to offer, something to give that Lucas desperately wants to take, and Renjun thinks that he would be perfectly happy living the rest of his life in this driver’s seat, breathing in the smooth scent of faded leather seats and drowning in the dips of Lucas’s cheekbones.</p><p>“Lucas—” he starts, but before he knows it Lucas is leaning across the divider and cupping his cheek with smooth, basketball-calloused fingers and kissing him gently with those sweet, pink lips.</p><p>He tastes like cheap beer and every wet dream Renjun’s ever had, and Renjun <em>almost</em> gives in, almost kisses him back with all the fire in his soul, all the ferocity of the last few weeks’—last <em>year’s</em>—unrequited crush.</p><p>Instead, he pushes him away, back across the space between their bucket seats, back into the chill of the open passenger-side window and away from Renjun’s tell-tale beating heart.</p><p><em>Mark,</em> the part of Renjun’s brain that isn’t lovesick reminds him. <em>He likes Mark. He’s drunk. He’s drunk and he likes Mark but he just kissed you. You can’t lose him again,</em> and none of it makes very much sense. The steering wheel starts to blur in his vision, and Renjun wonders distantly if he was wrong about being sober enough to drive.</p><p>Then, the first tear drips down his cheek with a promise of more on the way. Renjun chokes out a gasp, brushes the tear away, and concentrates all his strength of will towards holding back the furious deluge he fears is going to start pouring from his eyes.</p><p>Through it all, he can feel Lucas’s eyes on him—that wide-eyed, innocent, caring gaze that Renjun wants to swim in. Renjun wishes Lucas weren’t drunk. Renjun wishes a lot of things, and the idea of Lucas watching as he sorts through the emotions ripping a hole in his chest is too much to bear, so he turns away and focuses on the facts.</p><p>“We have to go inside,” he says, with as much vigor as he can muster. “We—we have to go inside, and you have to take a shower because you <em>reek,</em> and then we have to go to sleep, okay?”</p><p>“Okay,” Lucas says, and then he reaches over to pat Renjun’s head with one of his massive hands, once, twice. Renjun appreciates the fond gesture, but something in his heart pitches a fit and tells him to stop being selfish.</p><p>They make it outside with minimal effort on Lucas’s part, and much shoving towards the door from Renjun. He fumbles with the key in the lock for longer than is cool, and blushes in the chilly night air. Lucas watches his hands the whole time, evidently fascinated.</p><p>As soon as they walk inside and down the hallway to Renjun’s room, Lucas collapses on his bed. Renjun grimaces at the thought of Lucas breathing his stank-breath all over his sheets, and pulls him back up promptly after he closes the door.</p><p>“Dude, you are <em>not</em> sleeping in my bed,” he says, heart pitter-pattering at the very thought. It’s bad enough that Lucas is back here, in Renjun’s bedroom, after all the months since his last visit. It’s <em>certainly</em> bad enough that he has to <em>sleep here,</em> and Renjun nudges him in the direction of his desk chair before stepping lightly down the hall to find an air mattress.</p><p>When he gets back to his room, Lucas is fiddling with the colored pencils in the mug on Renjun’s desk. He’s thumbing through them gently, running the pads of his fingers across their finely-sharpened tips, an expression on his face almost like awe. Renjun coughs a little bit to announce his presence, and Lucas jumps in the chair.</p><p>“Pretty,” he says when he turns to Renjun. There’s a blush sitting high on his cheeks, face blotchy red from the alcohol. “The colors. They’re pretty,” Lucas clarifies, and returns to poking them around. Renjun just smiles and lays the mattress out to blow it up.</p><p>As the inflator pump runs, Renjun checks his phone. Six messages from Donghyuck, one from Jaemin. Renjun would be more than happy to run back to the party to drive them home, but he hopes against hope that they’re telling him they’re fine. Sue him, he’s a shitty friend, but <em>Lucas</em> is in his house and all Renjun really wants to do is go to sleep and not wake up for five days.</p><p>
  <strong>dumbass</strong>
</p><p><em>00:11 - </em>hey</p><p><em>00:11 - </em>hey</p><p><em>00:12 - </em>hey where are u</p><p><em>00:32 -</em> okay so jofhhny and jaehyu nare stayign here tonight ???? do you think thats okahy</p><p><em>00:34</em> - yeah im staying here goodnight goodbhye</p><p>The last text from Donghyuck is just an emoji keysmash, and Renjun lets him know that he’ll check in tomorrow morning and to stay safe. Jeno never drinks at his own parties, being the wonderful host he is, so guests spending the night at his house usually end up fine.</p><p>
  <strong>nana (derogatory)</strong>
</p><p><em>00:16</em> - dude i am so dru nk. do u thinkt hat jisusng will be kay at home. will you go spend the nighit with him. will you please renjjun.</p><p>
  <strong>me</strong>
</p><p><em>00:41 - </em>im not spending the night with ur brother hes 16 he’ll be fine you buffoon</p><p><em>00:41</em> - do u need me to drive u home??</p><p>Jaemin responds instantly.</p><p>
  <strong>nana (derogatory)</strong>
</p><p><em>00:42</em> - no bye &lt;3 🌊🌊🌊</p><p><em>00:43</em> - waving at you i am wavign at u.</p><p><em>00:43</em> - do u get it &lt;3</p><p>Renjun doesn’t bother responding.</p><p>The mattress is fully inflated by the time he reads Jaemin’s last message, and he cuts off the airflow quickly. Lucas is rolling a pink pencil between his fingers and watching him in wonder.</p><p>“Wait, so I have to sleep on that?” he asks, eyebrows raised. Somehow his dimple is still <em>stupidly</em> indented on his face, even though he’s not smiling. Renjun wants to punch it clear off his skin.</p><p>“Yes.” Renjun steps to the closet to grab sheets and a pillow for Lucas’s makeshift bed. “You’re gonna wake up in the morning hungover as fuck and I do <em>not</em> want you puking in my bed.”</p><p>Lucas shrugs and puts the pencil down. “‘Kay. Your loss,” and Renjun ignores him.</p><p>As soon as Renjun has the sheets on the bed—<em>useless,</em> he mutters under his breath when one of the corners keeps popping off as he puts the others on, shooting Lucas a glare for his lack of help—Lucas flops face-up on the mattress with a grunt. Renjun is launched a whole foot in the air by his landing, and when he falls back down he lands halfway on top of Lucas.</p><p>Lucas is warm.</p><p>Very warm.</p><p>And his chest is so <em>solid</em> and big and <em>warm.</em> And so are his arms. And so is his smile.</p><p>Renjun pushes himself off in an instant, scrambling madly to get off the mattress and put as much room between their bodies as he can, cheeks warming. He clears his throat, collecting his thoughts—a difficult task when Lucas’s eyes are following his every movement curiously, eagerly, <em>warm</em>ly.</p><p>“You, um,” Renjun clears his throat again. “You should probably get changed. You reek.”</p><p>“You said that already I think,” Lucas says, grinning. “But okay, yeah, clothes?”</p><p>Renjun just stares at him blankly for a moment before startling. “Oh—yeah. Yeah.” He walks to the closet again, rifling through his clothes. “You’re a lot bigger than me, obviously, so, like, I’m not sure if I even really have anything that’ll fit you, but we can try. Um.” He pulls out a dark green sweatshirt, nice and baggy from his depressing middle school years, and holds it out at arm’s length, eyes flitting back and forth from the shirt to Lucas. Lucas twists excitedly, arranging himself in the ‘paint me like one of your French girls’ pose and smoothing his expression into something dramatic as Renjun surveys him.</p><p>Renjun doesn’t even try to hold back his laughter, giggling openly as he tosses the sweatshirt in Lucas’s direction, then turns to grab a ratty pair of basketball shorts that were always a few sizes too big, even with the elastic waistband pulled tight. Lucas gives him a salute.</p><p>“Thanks, sergeant,” he says, voice stoic, and Renjun rolls his eyes.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Go get changed.”</p><p>Lucas starts to pull off his shirt right there in the middle of Renjun’s room, and Renjun panics.</p><p>“No! No, dude, in the bathroom,” he clarifies, heart racing, stepping forward to push Lucas in the direction of the door. Lucas’s mouth falls open in a comical ‘o,’ and he ducks through the door with a wink in Renjun’s direction.</p><p><em>Drunk people,</em> Renjun thinks, sighing. <em>Useless.</em> That’s the word of the night.</p><p>He sits at the edge of his bed and shrugs off his jacket, then makes the mistake of glancing in the bathroom’s direction.</p><p>Lucas didn’t close the door all the way. There’s a three-inch gap between the doorframe, and through it, Renjun can see Lucas’s reflection in the mirror. He watches, transfixed, as Lucas reaches back behind himself and pulls his shirt off over his head.</p><p>Uh oh.</p><p>It’s been a while since Renjun’s seen anyone other than himself shirtless—much, much longer since he’s seen <em>Lucas</em> shirtless. He’s sleek like a greyhound, ribs stark against his tan skin but all smooth, rippling muscle everywhere else. He’s even got <em>pecs—</em>what eighteen-year-old has <em>pecs?</em>—like, serious boobies, and Renjun can’t look away, no matter how much his rational brain is screaming at him that this is totally an invasion of privacy.</p><p>Lucas rolls his head, and the popping of his neck is audible even from Renjun’s bed. Renjun ignores the noise and focuses on the way his collar bones jut out in between his built, broad, sexy shoulders. It’s undeniable, really, as much as Renjun makes fun of Jaemin for his obsession with the word: Lucas is <em>sexy.</em></p><p>Lucas’s abs clench, and Renjun kind of wants to run his tongue across the lines between each of the muscles in his six-pack. Then, Lucas bends forward, unbuttoning his jeans, and Renjun yanks himself out of his trance and looks away, gulping. He busies himself with a stray thread in his blanket and doesn’t glance back up until he hears the bathroom door creak open.</p><p>Well, he glanced up <em>one </em>more time and saw Lucas’s arms stretched up over his head, the gentle curve from his waist up to his armpits, the taut pull of his abs as he slipped Renjun’s sweatshirt on over his bare skin, but who’s counting, really.</p><p>Lucas emerges with messy hair and a lazy, faraway look in his eyes.</p><p>“Hey,” he says, “d’you think that any of our friends are actually time travelers or something?”</p><p>Renjun just stares at him, distantly processing that he said ‘our’ friends. He looks good in green.</p><p>Lucas dumps his dirty clothes on the floor and doesn’t wait for a response to his question before he flops back down on the air mattress and buries his head in the pillow. Renjun darts to the bathroom and changes quickly—making sure the door is shut <em>all</em> the way before he takes off his shirt.</p><p>He looks himself over in the mirror when he’s stripped down to his underwear, and sighs. He’s no basketball player, or swimmer, or gym enthusiast by choice, but really. Pathetic.</p><p>He draws himself up to his fullest height, sucking in a breath, and watches the way his ribcage expands. He wonders distantly how Lucas’s hands would feel around his waist, whether or not they’re still as warm as the rest of him, and lets out the breath with a loud gasp. He pulls on his pajamas quickly, trying to remember that comparison is a thief of joy and feeling bad about himself benefits no one and he’s beautiful in his own way and all that shit Donghyuck always tries to tell him.</p><p>It’s kind of futile, but he appreciates Donghyuck’s support.</p><p>As he’s brushing his teeth, he hears Lucas humming in his bedroom. He cracks the door and watches him drum his fingers together and wave them gently in the air in time with his melody, and smiles.</p><p>Renjun finishes his nighttime routine in record time, and hops in bed with a content sigh, rolling onto his left side and flipping off the light without further ado.</p><p>In the sudden darkness, Lucas gasps.</p><p>“Stars!” he exclaims, and Renjun grins, looking up at the glow-in-the-dark star decals freckling his ceiling. “Renjun, there are stars up there! Are we outside?” and then Renjun laughs, and laughs, and can’t stop laughing.</p><p>After a solid minute, he wipes the tears from his eyes and calms back down. “We aren’t outside, Lucas. They’re stickers.”</p><p>“Oh.” The dejection in Lucas’s voice is cute, but Renjun would definitely deny that if anyone asked. “Okay. Well, good night, Renjun.”</p><p>“Good night, Lucas,” Renjun says, and his heart skips a beat.</p><p>They lie in silence for a little while, eyes closed, and Renjun kind of wishes he had a white noise machine to drown out the rhythm of Lucas’s breathing.</p><p>Then, Lucas starts shifting around. The mattress squeaks and groans underneath him, and it doesn’t stop for, like, five solid minutes.</p><p>“Dude,” Renjun’s voice cuts through the darkness, “can you… stop?”</p><p>Lucas huffs. “This thing is super uncomfortable, man.”</p><p>Renjun props himself up on an elbow, squinting down at Lucas through the darkness. “It’s plenty comfortable. You’re just a wimp. Haven’t you ever been camping?”</p><p>“Yeah, but I was, like, ten.”</p><p>“You should go again. It’s fun.” Silence for a moment. Lucas shifts around again. The mattress noises are really fucking annoying.</p><p>“Okay,” Renjun says before he even really processes it, “come on.”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“Come on. Come up here. You’re too noisy down there.”</p><p>“Really?” Lucas sounds ecstatic, like an overexcited puppy, and Renjun kind of regrets making the offer.</p><p>“Yeah,” he says, against all better judgement, and Lucas literally jumps up off the mattress, carrying his pillow with him. He slips under the covers, and Renjun scoots to the <em>very</em> edge of his bed, suddenly over-conscious of how little his bed is and how <em>big</em> Lucas is.</p><p>They fit on the mattress with scant inches between them, and Renjun turns to the side facing Lucas so he doesn’t fall off the bed.</p><p>“Do you,” he starts, pausing to wet his lips as he realizes just how close they are like this. “Do you have any more room over there?”</p><p>Lucas shakes his head without even checking. His eyes glow in the faint moonlight trickling in through Renjun’s curtains. His window is still open, and a cool breeze drifts into the room, cooling Renjun’s cheeks but doing nothing to fix the way his stomach is in his throat.</p><p>“I like the stars,” Lucas whispers, but it comes out gravelly and breathless. Renjun doesn’t let himself wonder why.</p><p>“Yeah. I put them up when I was in, like, sixth grade. They’re fun.”</p><p>“Make me happy,” Lucas nods, and Renjun can’t help but smile. <em>Mark,</em> his treacherous heart reminds him, beating it like morse code against his ribcage. <em>He likes Mark,</em> but all Renjun can think about is how Lucas’s lips felt against his own in the car not even an hour ago.</p><p>Then, Lucas has to go and open his <em>useless</em> mouth, and says, “We haven’t been this close since we last made out,” and the walls come crashing down around them.</p><p>Renjun has tried <em>so </em>hard to pretend like things are fine, and that this is fine, and that going to prom with Lucas is going to be <em>fine</em> after everything that happened between sophomore and junior year, but he’s lying. He’s a dirty rotten liar, and Lucas’s eyes are so wide and he’s radiating so much heat under the blanket, and Renjun rolls over to face the wall as the memories come pouring back in, flashing behind his eyelids like a tidal wave slideshow of his youth.</p><p><em>We can’t keep doing this,</em> Lucas had said, and Renjun remembers nodding when all he wanted to do was throw a punch, bite back, make Lucas hurt as much as he did in that moment, because in the end it was Lucas. Perfect fucking Lucas. His best friend. He could never hurt him. Renjun doesn’t think Lucas even knows how much <em>he </em>hurt <em>Renjun</em>.</p><p><em>Mark</em>. While Renjun was busy developing real, stupid, useless feelings for Lucas as a giddy fifteen-year-old, Lucas went and fell for Mark, and Renjun remembers the last time they kissed like it’s happening now, like Lucas’s hands are warm on his back and he’s still a sweet sophomore, still half the size he is now, still tangible and holdable and warm and Renjun’s friend.</p><p>Instead, Lucas’s breath fans hot across the back of Renjun’s neck, and Renjun distantly regrets forgetting to make him brush his teeth, and they are two strangers lying in the same bed.</p><p>He holds back the floodgates this time, but just barely. A single tear drips down his cheek and lands on the pillow, and he runs a finger under his nose to wipe away the snot he feels beading there. Disgusting.</p><p>Lucas’s breath evens out into a common cadence, falling asleep easily now that he’s off that godforsaken air mattress, but Renjun lies awake for another hour. He stares in the corner at the pile of Lucas’s dirty clothes and wonders whether Lucas could feel the way his heart was racing as they faced each other.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Pancake batter sizzles on the griddle. Renjun watches air bubbles pop on the surface of the sticky spoonfuls and sighs.</p><p>He’s still in his pajamas—an old Peter Frampton t-shirt from his dad and sweatpants that drag on the floor—and this morning they are making him feel too small. Insignificant. Swamped and drowning in their baggy fabric.</p><p>He flips the first pancake and his sour mood is slightly bolstered to see it tinged the perfect golden color all over. He flips the second and it folds in half before he can turn it all the way over, making a lumpy, pale, depressing taco of sorts. He pouts, and leaves the others to cook for a few more minutes.</p><p>Footsteps drag down the hall, and Renjun doesn’t even turn to greet his sleepover companion.</p><p>“Good morning,” he grits out to the frying pan, and Lucas answers with a groan. Renjun listens to him shuffle across the floor until he leans up against the counter, visible just out of the corner of Renjun’s eye.</p><p>He’s an absolute mess, and Renjun delights in that a little bit more than he probably should. His hair is all tousled, bird’s nest incarnate, and the bags under his eyes are truly impressive.</p><p>“Sleep well?” Renjun asks, and then he bangs his spatula against the pan once, twice, as hard as he can. The resulting cacophony makes Lucas wince and raise a massive hand to rub at his temples. Renjun hides a grin.</p><p>“Yeah,” Lucas croaks. “Thanks for the ibuprofen this morning. And thanks for letting me sleep in your bed.” He shifts a little then, and Renjun does too, unconsciously mirroring him. Twin skeletons. Renjun flips the other pancakes.</p><p>“You were right,” Lucas continues, and Renjun’s heart rate picks up for absolutely unknown reasons. “I did throw up,” Lucas explains, and Renjun rolls his eyes.</p><p>“Yeah, that’s usually what happens when you drink too much, dumbass.”</p><p>“Hey,” Lucas pouts. “Watch your mouth.”</p><p>Renjun laughs, lifts the pancakes from the griddle and sets them on plates, then pours five more spoonfuls of batter into the pan. Another delightful sizzle. The air is warm in the kitchen, and Renjun remembers what it felt like to kiss Lucas in his car. He narrows his eyes at their breakfast and shoves down the anxiety and hope that begin to bubble to the surface of his mind in equal measure, like air bubbles in pancakes.</p><p>“So,” Lucas laughs, a short little thing that quickly dissolves into a pained grunt. “Did I, y’know,” he laughs again, instantly forgetting the consequences of the first time, “do anything embarrassing last night?”</p><p>
  <em>We haven’t been this close since—</em>
</p><p>“No.”</p><p>
  <em>D’you think any of our friends—</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I had a good time—</em>
</p><p>“Okay. Good.”</p><p>
  <em>Pretty.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your loss.</em>
</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>
  <em>We can’t do this anymore.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your loss.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I had a good time. </em>
</p><p>“The pancakes look good.”</p><p>
  <em>We can’t do this anymore.</em>
</p><p>The spatula shakes in Renjun’s hand.</p><p>Before he knows it, there are strong fingers wrapping around his own, and Lucas is prying the spatula away from him gently. He’s radiating just as much warmth as he did last night, and Renjun can’t tell whether he wants to nuzzle into his side to tuck deeper into that heat or turn around and run for the hills.</p><p>“Let me?” Lucas asks permission, and Renjun nods, not quite sure what he’s agreeing to, but knowing deep down that he’s okay with whatever Lucas is offering.</p><p>Twenty minutes later, their plates are sitting in the sink and Lucas is shoving his gross party clothes into a spare cloth bag. Renjun stands in the middle of his room and wrings his hands, feeling like a stranger in his own house. While Lucas is bent over, Renjun’s sweatshirt rides up on his back, and his skin is just as perfect and golden as it’s always been.</p><p>“Cool.” Lucas straightens up, flashing Renjun a grin. Dimple. “Thanks again for driving me home and stuff.”</p><p>Renjun glances over at his bedside table. “You drank all the water. Good.”</p><p>“Yeah, and thanks for that too.”</p><p>“You’re welcome.”</p><p>Silence. Dimple. Renjun’s sweatpants pool around his ankles and he feels small.</p><p>“Well, I should probably head home.” Lucas gives a laugh, and Renjun kind of wants his clothes to swallow him whole.</p><p>They walk down the hallway, and Renjun is grateful that his parents stay hidden away in their room. He’s sure they’ve heard that there’s another, unexpected person in the house this morning, but he’ll explain it all later.</p><p>Well. Maybe not all of it.</p><p>Lucas ducks his giant frame out the doorway with a promise to return Renjun’s hoodie ASAP, and he spells the acronym out, A-S-A-P, instead of just saying ay-sap, and Renjun breathes a sigh of relief as he shuts the door behind him.</p><p>“‘Ay-sap,’ Lucas,” he mutters under his breath as he walks back to his room. “It’s that fucking simple. ‘Ay-sap.’ Two syllables. It’s <em>literally</em> more simple than saying A-S-A-P,” and for some reason that makes Renjun beam like the fucking sun.</p><p>He’s still grinning when he falls back into bed, grabbing his phone to check his messages.</p><p>
  <strong>dumbass</strong>
</p><p><em>10:21</em> - ummm what happened last night.</p><p>Renjun opts to call him in place of typing a response.</p><p>“Hey, Hyuck—”</p><p>
  <em>Dude? Mark said you left with Lucas? You’ve got a lot of explaining to do.</em>
</p><p>As Donghyuck talks, the very clear, explicit, smacking sounds of two other people kissing in the same room as him crackle over the speaker. Renjun holds his phone away from his ear to look at it in disgust for a minute, then puts it back to his cheek with a grumble.</p><p>“Can you drive?”</p><p>
  <em>I’ll be there in ten.</em>
</p><p>True to his word, there’s a knock on Renjun’s front door exactly ten minutes later. Donghyuck doesn’t bother waiting for Renjun to walk down the hall, letting himself in with practiced ease. He flops down on Renjun’s bed next to him from the opposite side, so that they’re facing opposite directions but their heads are right next to each other, and Renjun feels his heart swell two sizes bigger like the fucking Grinch.</p><p>“Talk,” Donghyuck says, and that’s all it takes for Renjun to spill everything, every single scrap of information that he’s been withholding for the last two weeks and all the gritty details from last night, and Donghyuck gasps and awes and laughs and rages at just the right moments.</p><p>“That fucking bitch!” Donghyuck exclaims when Renjun reveals that the promposal was originally supposed to be for Mark. He actually sits up in the wake of his anger, rage propelling him off the comfy mattress, and Renjun sighs, mirroring him. “That’s so shitty. That’s so shitty! Do you want me to kill him? I’ll do it, y’kn—”</p><p>“I know, Donghyuck,” Renjun laughs. He tucks his legs up under himself, sitting criss-cross-applesauce, and Donghyuck composes himself, but the twitch in his eyebrow gives away the anger simmering under the surface. “It was shitty. Believe me, I know.”</p><p>Donghyuck purses his lips, fingers twisting into the blanket on Renjun’s bed. He’s wearing someone else’s shirt, Renjun notes, and he feels a gentle smile play across his face.</p><p>Then, Donghyuck asks, “So why are you going with him?” and <em>whoomp,</em> there it is.</p><p>A weight settles in Renjun’s stomach, like a punch to the gut, and his throat constricts fast—<em>too</em> fast. His bedroom swims in the tears that pool so suddenly in his eyes, and he gasps for breath, trying desperately to stay above the surface.</p><p>Donghyuck reaches for him, lacing their fingers together, and Renjun feels so, so lucky to have the best best friend in the entire world.</p><p>“I don’t know, dude,” Renjun chokes out. He swallows, then swallows again, fighting the lump that’s blocking his vocal chords. “I don’t really know,” and he sobs, a short, aborted little thing, and swipes at his eyes, brushing tears away. He looks at the way Donghyuck’s calves fill out the jeans he’s still wearing from the party and hates being a skinny, fragile, hormonal teenager.</p><p>“Yes, you do,” Donghyuck says, and it almost sounds like a demand, like he <em>knows</em> Renjun has a reason. A plan. Like he’s confident in him, and that makes Renjun feel a little bit more confident, too.</p><p>“Yes, I do,” he gasps, and balls his free hand into a fist, staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling that aren’t glowing in the light of day. His head clears a little bit. <em>Pretty.</em></p><p>“I wanted,” he has to swallow again, and then rushes to continue. “I wanted to get payback, or something.” He laughs. “Yeah, something like that. Just—I wanted to make him feel something, Hyuck, y’know?”</p><p>Donghyuck nods like what Renjun is saying makes any sense at all, and Renjun rolls his eyes.</p><p>“Okay, like, I kind of... Wanted. Want. I kind of want to go to prom with him,” and it comes out like a confession.</p><p>“Yeah, I got that, considering that you’re going to prom with him.”</p><p>“Shut up. You know what I mean.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Donghyuck says. “I do,” and then he looks at Renjun in a really weird way, like he knows something Renjun doesn’t, and Renjun kind of wants to punch him.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Nothing.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Nothing.”</p><p>“Hyuck, c’mon.”</p><p>“It’s nothing, dude, I swear. I just.” He sighs, a big one, one that ruffles the bangs falling soft across Renjun’s forehead, and purses his lips before continuing. “I don’t want you to get hurt again.”</p><p>Renjun sighs, too. A big one. “I know you don’t. And I don’t either. It’s just like…” Renjun smiles, and it’s a big one too. “He kissed me.” It’s just a whisper, nearly tossed out the door by the cool April air blowing in through the window, but Donghyuck catches it.</p><p>“Yeah,” and he smiles, like he’s happy for Renjun. Renjun raises a hand to his mouth, runs a finger over his bottom lip, and feels the phantom tickle of Lucas’s mouth pressed warm against his. The smile doesn’t fade.</p><p>“He kissed you two years ago, too,” Donghyuck says then, and Renjun gives him a glare, fantasies crashing in an instant.</p><p>“Okay, yeah. And I learned my lesson. ‘Don’t make out with people that you are actually emotionally attached to and tell them you aren’t emotionally attached to them.’ I got it now.”</p><p>Donghyuck quirks an eyebrow, and flicks Renjun on the back of his hand. “You’re still emotionally attached to him.”</p><p>“Dude, I’m like, <em>really</em> emotionally attached to him,” Renjun mutters, looking down at the blanket beneath them so he can avoid Donghyuck’s knowing gaze. It’s the first time he’s really admitted it to himself, let alone anyone else, that the feelings are still there. That they’re getting worse.</p><p>Looking at the blanket only makes him remember how it felt to be curled underneath it with Lucas’s knees brushing the back of his legs, so he looks back up at Donghyuck quickly.</p><p>Donghyuck’s pouting. “I just. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”</p><p>“Hyuck.” Renjun leans forward, resting a comforting hand on Donghyuck’s knee. “If I do—if Lucas hurts me—I give you full permission to beat him up.”</p><p>Donghyuck lights up like a fucking Christmas tree. “Really?”</p><p>“Really,” Renjun nods. <em>Definitely getting Jeno to hold him back if it ever comes to that,</em> he thinks.</p><p>“You’re the best, Renjun.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>It’s silent for a little while, and Renjun watches as Donghyuck’s expression falls back into something pensive, chewing on his lip.</p><p>“What.”</p><p>Donghyuck sighs. “I don’t know. I trust you, you know that.” Renjun nods. “And I know Lucas is cool most of the time. But c’mon. The dude basically said to your face that you aren’t as good as Mark.”</p><p>Renjun rolls his eyes. “Gee, thanks.”</p><p>“Which isn’t true, you fucking know that, shut up,” Donghyuck warns. “But it just... It sucked to see your friendship with him fall apart over that, y’know? You guys used to be like Bonnie and fuckin’ Clyde.”</p><p>Renjun squints. “Not really sure that’s what you mean, but I get the point.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Okay, well,” Renjun sighs, thinking. “Friendships fall apart, Donghyuck. That’s a thing that happens.”</p><p>“Better not ever happen with us,” Donghyuck mutters, and Renjun rolls his eyes for the umpteenth time.</p><p>“It won’t. I tell you everything. I <em>didn’t </em>tell Lucas everything. I didn’t tell him I was actually crushing on him, not just wanting to practice kissing, and so it all fell apart. I just have to tell him the truth this time around, y’know?” At this, Renjun scrunches his nose. “Fuck.”</p><p>“Yeah, that sounds like not a fun time to be honest,” Donghyuck says, and Renjun huffs.</p><p>“No, it really doesn’t. And there’s still the whole Mark factor to consider.”</p><p>Donghyuck shifts around on the bed, suddenly avoiding Renjun’s eyes. Renjun tilts his head, suddenly overwhelmed with curiosity.</p><p>“Um? What is it? What’s up with the ‘Mark factor?’”</p><p>Donghyuck presses his lips into a thin line, eyes glittering with poorly-suppressed mirth. “Yeah, I don’t think he’s gonna be much of an issue anymore.”</p><p>“Explain. Now.” Renjun draws himself up as much as he can while he’s sitting, puffing his chest out and raising his eyebrows. “Explain.”</p><p>Donghyuck laughs. “Nothing, nothing! He just stayed the night at Jeno’s last night too.”</p><p>“And?!?”</p><p>“Well,” Donghyuck grins. “So did Jaemin.”</p><p>“Oh fuck me.” Renjun deflates, mouth falling open as he stares into the far corner and processes this new implied information.</p><p>“If you insist,” Donghyuck jokes, already reaching down to unbutton his skinny jeans, and Renjun pushes him off the bed, laughing.</p><p>“Hey,” Donghyuck says from the floor, expression turning serious in an instant. “I was thinking about asking Yangyang to prom.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Renjun says, hovering over the edge of the mattress, “no shit.”</p><p>“Fuck you. Do you think he’d say yes?”</p><p>Renjun laughs. “Yeah, I do actually.”</p><p>Donghyuck nods, pensive. “Okay, great, cause he can actually dance, and I cannot have a repeat of last year with Hendery when we literally didn’t dance to a single song together.”</p><p>Renjun hums, fuzzily remembering neon flashing lights and crappy Top 40 music over the speakers. He went with Chenle last year, and that was actually an incredibly fun experience. They went out to get pizza afterwards at one in the morning with all their friends, and he does remember Hyuck and Hendery being kind of awkward together. Hot as hell, but awkward.</p><p>“Do it, then. Do it ASAP”—and he spells each letter out individually—”’cause prom is literally in a week.”</p><p>Donghyuck nods, then grins something wicked. Renjun is suddenly stricken with fear.</p><p>“What…. What are you thinking….”</p><p>“Do you think Lucas would let me reuse his poster? That was so <em>romantic,</em> I just couldn’t ever top it—”</p><p>Renjun hits him with his pillow.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Two days later, Renjun gets a text from a number he’s considered blocking many, many times over the past year and a half.</p><p>
  <strong>lucas……..</strong>
</p><p><em>10:43</em> - we should wear matching cowboy hats to prom</p><p><em>10:43</em> - that would be so sexy 🤠 🥵 😏</p><p>
  <strong>me</strong>
</p><p><em>10:46</em> - delete this number. never contact me again.</p><p>
  <strong>lucas……..</strong>
</p><p><em>10:46</em> - but then who wld take u to prom 🤔 🤔 🤔</p><p>
  <strong>me</strong>
</p><p><em>10:51</em> - die &lt;3</p><p>
  <strong>lucas……..</strong>
</p><p><em>14:21 </em>- :(</p><p><em>14:21</em> - okay but fr whats ur favorite color 😋</p><p>
  <strong>me</strong>
</p><p><em>14:23 </em>- yello</p><p><em>14:23</em> - w</p><p><em>14:23</em> - yellow</p><p>
  <strong>lucas……..</strong>
</p><p><em>14:25 </em>- okay well we r not wearing yellow suits</p><p><em>14:26 </em>- plus i think thats the color yangyang wants to do</p><p>
  <strong>me</strong>
</p><p><em>14:26 </em>- oooo i dont think hyuck wll go for that</p><p>
  <strong>lucas……..</strong>
</p><p><em>14:27</em> - huh.</p><p><em>14:27 </em>- what does hyuck have to do w yy</p><p>
  <strong>me</strong>
</p><p><em>14:28 </em>- NOTHING.NOTHING AT ALL.</p><p><em>14:28</em> - imagine me giving u the silent treatment rn !!</p><p>
  <strong>lucas……..</strong>
</p><p><em>14:29</em> - okay moving on…..</p><p><em>14:30 - </em>how do you feel about breen</p><p><em>14:30 </em>- green*** 🙄</p><p>Renjun pauses. Thinks about Lucas in his hoodie. Nods his head in his empty bedroom.</p><p>
  <strong>me</strong>
</p><p><em>14:32 </em>- yes.</p><p> </p><p>Lucas picks him up from Donghyuck’s house at five o’clock on May 4th in his bigass Range Rover.</p><p>Well, he picks up Renjun, Donghyuck, and Jaemin. They all got ready together, and it was loads of fun, and Renjun definitely has glitter all over his hands from Donghyuck’s eye shadow, and they definitely spent more time playing Mariokart than they actually did getting ready, but they look hot as fuck. They pile into the car, and Yangyang <em>willingly</em> gives up the passenger seat for Renjun, muttering something about date privileges, and Renjun <em>doesn’t</em> blush and avoid Lucas’s eyes.</p><p>“Hi,” Lucas says as Renjun buckles his seatbelt. His hands are shaking so bad that Lucas reaches across the divider to help, and Renjun kind of feels like he’s dying.</p><p>“Hi,” he chokes out. It comes out softer than he intended, muted beneath the jostling for position and overall chatter in the backseat. <em>Dude, you look</em> hot, he hears Mark tell Jaemin, awe in his voice, and Renjun grins at his lap.</p><p>“You look… nice,” Lucas says, and his voice sounds strained. Renjun darts a glance in his direction and sees that his face is paler than normal, stark, blanched. It contrasts the deep green suit he’s wearing in a weird way, and Renjun silently prays that the blood returns to his head sometime soon.</p><p>“Thanks,” Renjun says, and he reaches up to fiddle with his bowtie for the millionth time since he put it on<em>.</em> Donghyuck literally reaches up and swats his hand away, and Renjun shoots him a glare before returning his attention to his date. “You too,” he admits, quietly, and Lucas grins. Dimple.</p><p>Lucas’s face returns to its normal color quickly, then turns a deep shade of red as he belts the lyrics to <em>WAP</em>, courtesy of Yangyang with the aux. He drives them to dinner, where they meet up with Chenle and Jeno and all sit in their corresponding pairs. Renjun’s elbow brushes Lucas’s every now and then, and each time he feels lightning bolts tingle up his arm.</p><p>They take pictures after dinner, catching the glistening, golden sunset in a garden by the river downtown. The group shots are lots of fun, and the couple shots make Renjun laugh until it’s his turn and he has to put his arm around Lucas’s waist and vice versa, and they’re tucked against each other in the hazy light, and Lucas is warm and Renjun kind of wants to rip his suit off and chuck it in the lazy, eddying river.</p><p>Then, they pull up to the actual function, and all of Renjun’s inhibitions get thrown out the window along with his mental processing skills.</p><p>The entire evening passes by a little bit like a lucid dream, fuzzy around the edges, not quite interpretable through all the excitement and gyrating bodies. The DJ is cool, and he’s actually taking (reasonable) requests, unlike the one last year, so there’s a strong crowd dancing the whole night. It’s all glittering balloons and flashing lights and fancy streamers strewn up between the eaves. Student council did a truly stupendous job this year, and Renjun makes a mental note to thank Jisung the next time he sees him. He’s so dedicated to the council Renjun could cry, and he almost does when he thinks about it while Chenle is literally breakdancing in the middle of the dance floor.</p><p>Then, he laughs at himself, and goes to drink a glass of water.</p><p>As he’s sitting at a table, sipping from a cup that’s way too small to be practical, he sees Lucas cut away from the crowd as well in the direction of the food.</p><p>Before Renjun really knows it, he’s standing up and walking in Lucas’s direction. He looms ever larger as Renjun approaches, broad back stretching his suit tight across his shoulders, waist tight, legs long. Renjun reaches up to fiddle with an earring—green, to match his bowtie, which is green to match Lucas’s suit—and then suddenly he’s right there, and Lucas is within arm’s reach, and everything about the rest of the party—the music, the chatter, the crowd—all fades into the distance.</p><p>Renjun takes a deep breath. <em>Be honest,</em> Donghyuck’s voice echoes in his mind, and he steels his nerves and taps on Lucas’s shoulder.</p><p>Lucas turns to him with a mouth stuffed full of the chips and dip set out on the tables around the dance floor, and Renjun doesn’t hold back the laughter that bubbles from his lips. Pancake batter. He feels like melting into a lumpy puddle right at Lucas’s feet.</p><p>“You look really good in green,” Renjun says, and Lucas smiles as best he can, chewing frantically. Renjun grins. “You look good in any color, really,” and the blush that rises to Lucas’s cheeks is something Renjun wants to see every day for the rest of his life.</p><p>Renjun takes another deep breath, and fiddles briefly with his tie, clearing his throat. Lucas swallows, but the food gets stuck in his throat and he starts coughing. Renjun’s eyebrows shoot up and he steps closer to thump Lucas’s back, trying his hardest not to laugh again.</p><p>A minute later Lucas gives him a thumb up, still doubled over and spluttering, and Renjun regains his momentum. “Yeah. You, like, you look good all the time actually. And I think it’s cute that you say ‘ay-sap’ like ‘A-S-A-P.’ And you’re really warm.”</p><p>Lucas is giving him a strange look, and Renjun rushes on. “I’ve missed you a lot after sophomore year. I really have. I’ve missed kissing you, and stuff,” and he blushes, “but most of all I’ve missed being your friend. And I think that we could probably have something good now, if we wanted, a good friendship,” <em>and maybe a little bit more,</em> he wants to say, but something stops him, chokes him out.</p><p>Lucas opens his mouth, looking ready to interject, but then Renjun sees Donghyuck over Lucas’s shoulder, and he’s slow-dancing with Yangyang to a Cardi B song, and Renjun feels confident.</p><p>“The point is, I like you. And if you don’t like me, or you still like Mark, or whatever, then at least I told you. I still want to be friends either way, and if you don’t want to be friends, then Donghyuck has every right to beat you up. Just a warning.” He smiles, softening his words but making sure they come out powerful and sincere, and he feels big. Big and significant and strong, even with Lucas towering over him in his crisp suit.</p><p>The expression on Lucas’s face is… weird. Confusing. Confused. Renjun stares up into his glittering eyes and doesn’t regret a single word he just said.</p><p>“Renjun…” Lucas finally says, and there’s an onion from the salsa wedged between his front two teeth. Renjun stifles a giggle. “Renjun,” he continues, “I can’t believe I have to say this—or, really, that I haven’t said it before, but I’ve missed you too.”</p><p>Renjun’s earlier fantasy of melting into a puddle feels a bit too realistic now. He feels unknown tension bleed out of his shoulders and grins, nodding, but Lucas looks like he wants to continue, so Renjun lets him speak.</p><p>“I’ve missed you, man, and I really do want to be friends again,” and for a second Renjun’s heart sinks just a little. But then: “But I do think that, y’know, friends didn’t really work out so well for us at the beginning of high school. And we could be good as… something more? I think?” His cheeks are literally beet red, and Renjun didn’t know that was even <em>possible</em> on <em>the </em>Lucas Wong, but he likes the way it looks. “I dunno, man,” and he laughs, awkward, nervous. Renjun reaches for his hand, wanting to help him feel big, too.</p><p>Lucas straightens up at the contact, gives him a nod, and smiles. Dimple. “So, yeah. I mean. If you would like, I would very much like to take you out on a non-prom date sometime soon.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Renjun says. He feels warm from the top of his head to the tips of his toes in his fancy suede shoes. “Yeah, I’d like that too.”</p><p>Lucas beams and gives his hand a squeeze, then sobers up, schooling his expression to something serious in an instant. “And about Mark. He’s like… Okay, Renjun, you know how in the movies there's a character that the main character likes but doesn’t, like, like like? Like they’ve had a crush since they were really young and it’s totally obvious but they wouldn’t ever work, you know?”</p><p>An unbidden image flashes behind Renjun’s eyelids: a kiss under the bleachers last year, warm skin and rosy cheeks in the football season chill, Xiao Dejun’s hands strong on his neck. He blushes a little bit and nods. “Okay, yeah. I get that.”</p><p>Lucas grins. “That’s Mark. I mean, sure, he’s hot as hell and super sweet and really funny—”</p><p>“You really aren’t inspiring much confidence right now.”</p><p>“Sorry, yeah, he’s just like. He’s great, y’know? But you’re… better?”</p><p>Renjun laughs. He can’t help himself. “Y’know, Lucas, comparison is a thief of joy.”</p><p>“Hey,” Lucas grins, and his hands find their way around Renjun’s waist. Renjun wraps his own arms around Lucas’s shoulders. “I don’t really know what that means, but I like the way it sounds coming from you.”</p><p>“Cheesy,” Renjun comments. He wonders if Lucas can feel how fast his heart is racing.</p><p>“I know.” And then Lucas frowns, eyebrows furrowing, and Renjun is suddenly worried that he’s done something wrong.</p><p>“Hey,” Lucas starts, voice serious, “we haven’t been this close since—”</p><p>Renjun kisses him then, and Lucas is warm against him, and it feels far superior to any and all of their practice kisses from sophomore year.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>high school parties dont happen like this but the emotional constipation and spontaneous self-loathing have certainly been a realistic aspect of my teenage years 👍 anyway luren ftw. hope you enjoyed &lt;3 </p><p>happy holidays!</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/divinerenjun">twt</a> | <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/divinerenjun">cc</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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